Brother Lawrence ( widely quoted from:see sidebar," the practice of the presence....". translation by Salvotore Sciurba ) has inspired spiritual travelers for over three hundred years. When he was eighteen years old he saw a tree in winter which was bereft of leaves or branches and looked like a dead tree. He realized that after a while, the leaves and branches will reappear, and the tree will again become alive. All, by the will of God. The tree will have flowers and fruit. This thought, this cosmic intuition, regarding God’s power, His majesty, His plan, had a profound influence on young Nicolas Herman (his original name) that never left him for the rest of his life.
Brother Lawrence invented his own path. It was not mentioned in any of the books of that time. His method was to talk to God all the time. He did not limit his conversations with God, only, during the time of meditation, but held them during his ordinary activities of daily life; cooking and repairing sandals. He was a Lay Brother (the lowest in rank) in a Discalced Carmelite monastery in Paris. Whenever, he got a moment of respite, he turned his attention, inwards, towards God. With over forty years of practice, he had developed such an expertise, that he was able to connect himself, with God, in an instant
He recommended his method, of constant conversation, to anybody who wanted to attain nearness to God. In his own words:
“In my opinion, the practice of the presence of God is the essence of spiritual life, and it seems to me that when practiced properly, you become spiritual in no time. “
Let us discuss his method a little bit. He declares in the above mentioned statement that ‘you become spiritual in no time ‘. You may become spiritual in no time but most often, you do not get peace and happiness for a long time. Almost all mystics enter a period of great sorrow and anguish, which may last for years. St John of Cross has called it the dark night of soul. Brother Lawrence was no exception. He suffered ten years of fear and suffering, last four of which were especially harsh.
What made the experience even harsher was the fact that God did not give him the smallest consolation during that period. “…. Everything was taken from him……….his life became unbearable…”
In his own words:
“It seemed to me that creatures, reason, and even God himself were against me, and that faith alone was on my side.”
What caused and what ended this dark night?
During this search for God, What were the tools at his disposal? What is this faith he talks about?
These and other questions in next installments
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
14. St. Therese of Lisieux Continued......( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
St. Therese was about ten years old when she developed a serious illness. She was often delirious. She thought that only a miracle could cure her. Her father, one day, gave some gold coins to his other daughter and told her to write to the church of Our Lady of Victories in Paris to say Masses for her recovery. He looked very sad
There was a statue of Blessed Virgin on her bedside. One day she kept calling her sister, Marie."Marie, Marie" , despite the fact that she could clearly see her. Her three sisters, who were nursing her, were greatly distressed by her calling and failure to recognize.They knelt by her bed and prayed to the statue of the Blessed Virgin for her recovery. She, herself, also turned towards the statue and “ … and beseeched her to have pity on me.”
“ ….Suddenly the Blessed Virgin glowed with a beauty beyond anything I had ever seen. Her face was alive with a kindness and an infinite tenderness, but it was her enchanting smile which really moved me…..”
Years later, she had the chance to visit the church of Our Lady of Victories in Paris. She wrote;” I cannot describe what I experienced in that sanctuary of hers. I was filled with joy and peace. And there the Blessed Virgin , my Mother, told me clearly that it really was she who had smiled on me and healed me.”
When she was fourteen she had a vision. In her own words,” One Sunday when I was looking at the picture of Our Lord on the Cross, I saw the Blood coming from one of his hands….”
Perhaps a year before her death, in 1896, she had a dream, in which she saw three Carmalite nuns, wearing mantles and long veils. She knew they were from heaven. She thought to herself that how happy she would be if she could see the face of one of them. As if in answer to her wish, one of them lifted her veil. She instantly recognized her, as The Venerable Mother Anne of Jesus, the foundress of Carmel in France. Her face had a beauty not of this earth. ……..
She caressed her. Moved by her love, she ventured to say, “I implore you, Mother, to tell me if God is going to leave me on earth for long……….”
She gave me a tender smile: "Yes, soon…..soon. I promise you.”
And then she said these words, which are amongst the tenderest and humblest words that I have come across in all of spiritual literature:
“Tell me also, Mother, if God is pleased with me. Does He want anything from me beyond my poor little deeds and longings?”
As she spoke her face shown with a new splendour…..
She said “God asks nothing more from you. He is pleased, very pleased.”…..
It is not often that you are informed, while you are living, that God is pleased with you. Perhaps ,once in a year? , a century?….
There was a statue of Blessed Virgin on her bedside. One day she kept calling her sister, Marie."Marie, Marie" , despite the fact that she could clearly see her. Her three sisters, who were nursing her, were greatly distressed by her calling and failure to recognize.They knelt by her bed and prayed to the statue of the Blessed Virgin for her recovery. She, herself, also turned towards the statue and “ … and beseeched her to have pity on me.”
“ ….Suddenly the Blessed Virgin glowed with a beauty beyond anything I had ever seen. Her face was alive with a kindness and an infinite tenderness, but it was her enchanting smile which really moved me…..”
Years later, she had the chance to visit the church of Our Lady of Victories in Paris. She wrote;” I cannot describe what I experienced in that sanctuary of hers. I was filled with joy and peace. And there the Blessed Virgin , my Mother, told me clearly that it really was she who had smiled on me and healed me.”
When she was fourteen she had a vision. In her own words,” One Sunday when I was looking at the picture of Our Lord on the Cross, I saw the Blood coming from one of his hands….”
Perhaps a year before her death, in 1896, she had a dream, in which she saw three Carmalite nuns, wearing mantles and long veils. She knew they were from heaven. She thought to herself that how happy she would be if she could see the face of one of them. As if in answer to her wish, one of them lifted her veil. She instantly recognized her, as The Venerable Mother Anne of Jesus, the foundress of Carmel in France. Her face had a beauty not of this earth. ……..
She caressed her. Moved by her love, she ventured to say, “I implore you, Mother, to tell me if God is going to leave me on earth for long……….”
She gave me a tender smile: "Yes, soon…..soon. I promise you.”
And then she said these words, which are amongst the tenderest and humblest words that I have come across in all of spiritual literature:
“Tell me also, Mother, if God is pleased with me. Does He want anything from me beyond my poor little deeds and longings?”
As she spoke her face shown with a new splendour…..
She said “God asks nothing more from you. He is pleased, very pleased.”…..
It is not often that you are informed, while you are living, that God is pleased with you. Perhaps ,once in a year? , a century?….
13. St. Therese of Lisieux .....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
Another saint and pope , St Pius X, said this about her, “ The greatest saint of modern times” ( widely quoted from " the autiobiograpy..." see footnote )
I have chosen her to demonstrate that some mystics are preselected by God or His representatives. We know that she was preselected, because she had a “ spiritual event “ in childhood, at the age of fourteen, and thus satisfies the first criterion.
She fulfils the second criterion of ‘holiness’ (which is a mandatory requirement) for a preselected mystic or saint, although it need not be lifelong ( as lives of St Paul and St Augustine testify, who sinned against God ). We are sure of her holiness because she was made a saint not too long after her death . She died at the young age of twenty-four, in a convent, where her life must have been an open book. And we come across this astonishing statement from her confessor, made just two months after her entrance in the convent;
“Before God, the Blessed Virgin, the angels, and all the saints, I declare that you have never committed a single mortal sin……”
We have the added advantage of fulfillment of the third criterion, the truthfulness of the events of her life, because she has left an autobiography (see footnote). She did not write the autobiography at her own behest, to parade her virtues, but was ordered to do so by her superiors. The book is a pure delight to read. It has sold millions of copies and has been translated in dozens of languages .
Love for God overflows from every page. “The only good thing is to love God with all one’s heart, and to stay poor in spirit.”
She also tells us that God loves us, and this is a recurring theme of the book. She is awe-struck at how good and kind the God is. She made a profound statement to her sister a month before her death:” What I have written will do a lot of good. It will make the kindness of God better known”.
Her great desire, in all her life, was to glorify her Beloved, the God. If it meant torment and suffering, that was even better. Few months before her death she wrote:
“… Like you, my adorable Jesus, I want to be scourged and crucified. I want to be flayed like St Bartholomew. Like St John, I want to be flung into boiling oil. Like St Ignatius of Antioch, I long to be ground by the teeth of wild beasts, ground into bread worthy of God. With St Agnes and St Cecillia, I want to offer my neck to the sword of executioner and, like Joan of Arc, murmur the name of Jesus at the stake……” “My Jesus, fling open that book of life in which are set down the deed of every saint. I want to perform them all for You.
You have to read the book yourself
I will narrate her spiritual events in the next installment
.....................................................................................
1. The autobiography of St. Therese of lisieux. The sorry of a soul. Translated by John Beevers
I have chosen her to demonstrate that some mystics are preselected by God or His representatives. We know that she was preselected, because she had a “ spiritual event “ in childhood, at the age of fourteen, and thus satisfies the first criterion.
She fulfils the second criterion of ‘holiness’ (which is a mandatory requirement) for a preselected mystic or saint, although it need not be lifelong ( as lives of St Paul and St Augustine testify, who sinned against God ). We are sure of her holiness because she was made a saint not too long after her death . She died at the young age of twenty-four, in a convent, where her life must have been an open book. And we come across this astonishing statement from her confessor, made just two months after her entrance in the convent;
“Before God, the Blessed Virgin, the angels, and all the saints, I declare that you have never committed a single mortal sin……”
We have the added advantage of fulfillment of the third criterion, the truthfulness of the events of her life, because she has left an autobiography (see footnote). She did not write the autobiography at her own behest, to parade her virtues, but was ordered to do so by her superiors. The book is a pure delight to read. It has sold millions of copies and has been translated in dozens of languages .
Love for God overflows from every page. “The only good thing is to love God with all one’s heart, and to stay poor in spirit.”
She also tells us that God loves us, and this is a recurring theme of the book. She is awe-struck at how good and kind the God is. She made a profound statement to her sister a month before her death:” What I have written will do a lot of good. It will make the kindness of God better known”.
Her great desire, in all her life, was to glorify her Beloved, the God. If it meant torment and suffering, that was even better. Few months before her death she wrote:
“… Like you, my adorable Jesus, I want to be scourged and crucified. I want to be flayed like St Bartholomew. Like St John, I want to be flung into boiling oil. Like St Ignatius of Antioch, I long to be ground by the teeth of wild beasts, ground into bread worthy of God. With St Agnes and St Cecillia, I want to offer my neck to the sword of executioner and, like Joan of Arc, murmur the name of Jesus at the stake……” “My Jesus, fling open that book of life in which are set down the deed of every saint. I want to perform them all for You.
You have to read the book yourself
I will narrate her spiritual events in the next installment
.....................................................................................
1. The autobiography of St. Therese of lisieux. The sorry of a soul. Translated by John Beevers
Monday, September 15, 2008
12.Preselected persons Sri Yogananda .....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
You see the problem of the reader. Therefore, we are forced to examine the life of Sri Yogananda (SY) in greater detail focusing on the opinion of his peers and historical documents, similar to what we did with Shahab (Sep, 9). From the book it appears that SY had attained closeness to God. He was a man of God. He may have attained God-realization ( this nothingness, personally, thinks he did ). Men like him do not tell lies. They are almost all the time truthful although there conclusions may be wrong. Imagine, if he was making up all these stories that are mentioned in his book, his whole life would have been a big fraud. Consider, deliberately misleading millions of people.
Being a monk he never married and lived with his disciples, who had a chance to observe him closely for decades (he had taken the vows of chastity, obedience and poverty, as a monk of Swami Order). Let us see what one of his closest associates, Sri Daya Mata, says about him in her book,” Finding the joy wihin.”She refers to him as Guru or Guruji or Gurudeva (divine teacher ). Here are some excerpts
1. “ he had the power to heal. I have seen his healing of many, many diseases “He healed me of a severe disease by mere touch.”
2. “he had the power to read the mind of others”. “But he never intruded on anyone’s mental privacy unless invited.”
3. “ I was blessed that at a very early age---seventeen---I met Gurudeva. He transformed my life. To him I shall be eternally grateful….”
4. Gurudev was to say in later years,” if I was to display powers given to me by God, I could draw thousands…………I gave the powers back to God, and I never use them unless He tells me to”
5. On his day of death, he was to speak at a banquet, for a dignitary, in downtown Los Angles. Few hours before his sudden death, as he was gazing at the picture of his beloved guru, he said to her ,” Do you realize that within a few hours I will be gone from this earth……..when I am gone.....be so drunk with the love of God that you will know nothing but God………”
6. “For twenty-one days after Guruji left his body, that form remained in a state of perfect preservation.” There is a notarized letter by the funeral director stating that strange, unparalleled phenomenon.
7. One day ( after his death ), as she was praying in front of his picture, for some guidance regarding an important matter, his living form emerged from that photo image.” Guruji blessed me and…..,,,,,,,”
I have related these incidents because they have been told by another person. There are dozens of supernatural incidents which he himself narrates in his book. I have not mentioned them here, because at some future date I plan to discuss the book in more detail. So we have two very truthful persons ( and there is at least one other, Walters or Swami Kriyananda, in his book,” The path.”) giving first-hand account in two separate books.
Sri Daya Mata is now ninety-four years old. She is the president and spiritual head of Self-Realization Fellowship. She was a young American girl of seventeen when she first heard SY speak at Salt Lake City. She narrates that day in her book,” I could only think, ‘This man loves God, as I have always longed to love Him. He knows Him. Him I shall follow.’” And she followed him.
You can find more at http://www.yogananda-srf.org/srf_news/sanghamata.html
Does it make the miraculous events , narrated in these two books, certain, for the reader. No , off course not. To be certain one will have to do one‘s own search which may take a lifetime.
Note: Sri Daya Mata has since expired
.
Being a monk he never married and lived with his disciples, who had a chance to observe him closely for decades (he had taken the vows of chastity, obedience and poverty, as a monk of Swami Order). Let us see what one of his closest associates, Sri Daya Mata, says about him in her book,” Finding the joy wihin.”She refers to him as Guru or Guruji or Gurudeva (divine teacher ). Here are some excerpts
1. “ he had the power to heal. I have seen his healing of many, many diseases “He healed me of a severe disease by mere touch.”
2. “he had the power to read the mind of others”. “But he never intruded on anyone’s mental privacy unless invited.”
3. “ I was blessed that at a very early age---seventeen---I met Gurudeva. He transformed my life. To him I shall be eternally grateful….”
4. Gurudev was to say in later years,” if I was to display powers given to me by God, I could draw thousands…………I gave the powers back to God, and I never use them unless He tells me to”
5. On his day of death, he was to speak at a banquet, for a dignitary, in downtown Los Angles. Few hours before his sudden death, as he was gazing at the picture of his beloved guru, he said to her ,” Do you realize that within a few hours I will be gone from this earth……..when I am gone.....be so drunk with the love of God that you will know nothing but God………”
6. “For twenty-one days after Guruji left his body, that form remained in a state of perfect preservation.” There is a notarized letter by the funeral director stating that strange, unparalleled phenomenon.
7. One day ( after his death ), as she was praying in front of his picture, for some guidance regarding an important matter, his living form emerged from that photo image.” Guruji blessed me and…..,,,,,,,”
I have related these incidents because they have been told by another person. There are dozens of supernatural incidents which he himself narrates in his book. I have not mentioned them here, because at some future date I plan to discuss the book in more detail. So we have two very truthful persons ( and there is at least one other, Walters or Swami Kriyananda, in his book,” The path.”) giving first-hand account in two separate books.
Sri Daya Mata is now ninety-four years old. She is the president and spiritual head of Self-Realization Fellowship. She was a young American girl of seventeen when she first heard SY speak at Salt Lake City. She narrates that day in her book,” I could only think, ‘This man loves God, as I have always longed to love Him. He knows Him. Him I shall follow.’” And she followed him.
You can find more at http://www.yogananda-srf.org/srf_news/sanghamata.html
Does it make the miraculous events , narrated in these two books, certain, for the reader. No , off course not. To be certain one will have to do one‘s own search which may take a lifetime.
Note: Sri Daya Mata has since expired
.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
11.Preselected persons Sri Yogananda .....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
The two great legacies of Sri Yogananda (SY) are the Self-Realization Fellowship, which he founded in 1920, and his autobiography, that was published in 1946 ( widely quoted from " autobiography of a yogi....., see sidebar) Through the Fellowship he trained thousands of persons the ancient science of Karia Yoga, the science of God-realization. The work is still going on by his followers. He has left Lessons for their guidance.
His book has been read by millions of readers and has been translated in many languages. The book has introduced millions of persons to spirituality. Through his book his influence will continue for years or centuries to come. The book is full of spectacular events. The reader often has the reaction, which I once heard , from a good friend,” Why should I believe these things?. Just because somebody wrote it in a book does not mean that I have to believe them.”
What my friend said is the crux of the problem. He had no personal acquaintance with the author, therefore, he could not know whether the author was a truthful person. To be certain, that a supernatural incident actually took place, one needs other witnesses which saw that event, or an account by dozens of persons, who were closely associated with the author, , regarding the truthfulness of the author.
You may have heard the expression.”Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof”
When one reads about a supernatural incident, such as materialization of silver amulet, out of thin air, in SY’s mother ( Sep, 10), there are three possible explanations
1. Author is lying
2. Author is telling the truth. The event, though it appears impossible, occurred just as it has been narrated in the book
3. Author is mistaken. As for as he is concerned, he may be telling the truth, but he may have had an auditory or visual hallucination or may be suffering from some mental disorder.
If the author was not the witness of the event, dozens of other possibilities exist, such as his mother was lying or mistaken, etc. We will not discuss this scenario any further.
I will continue it in next installment
His book has been read by millions of readers and has been translated in many languages. The book has introduced millions of persons to spirituality. Through his book his influence will continue for years or centuries to come. The book is full of spectacular events. The reader often has the reaction, which I once heard , from a good friend,” Why should I believe these things?. Just because somebody wrote it in a book does not mean that I have to believe them.”
What my friend said is the crux of the problem. He had no personal acquaintance with the author, therefore, he could not know whether the author was a truthful person. To be certain, that a supernatural incident actually took place, one needs other witnesses which saw that event, or an account by dozens of persons, who were closely associated with the author, , regarding the truthfulness of the author.
You may have heard the expression.”Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof”
When one reads about a supernatural incident, such as materialization of silver amulet, out of thin air, in SY’s mother ( Sep, 10), there are three possible explanations
1. Author is lying
2. Author is telling the truth. The event, though it appears impossible, occurred just as it has been narrated in the book
3. Author is mistaken. As for as he is concerned, he may be telling the truth, but he may have had an auditory or visual hallucination or may be suffering from some mental disorder.
If the author was not the witness of the event, dozens of other possibilities exist, such as his mother was lying or mistaken, etc. We will not discuss this scenario any further.
I will continue it in next installment
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
10.Preselected persons continued.....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
Let me give you another example of a great preselected mystic, Paramahansa Yogananda. His autobiography is well known to spiritual minded persons (see sidebar “Autobiography…”). There is no other book which has as many amazing, supernatural stories. This results in a curious effect on average, worldly readers. I have seen it happen. After reading few pages they abandon the reading, because their mind refuses to accept these wild, bizarre stories. They consider the book a pack of lies.
I could have selected half a dozen incidents from his early childhood. Let me start with the earliest, to document the fact that he was selected by God or his representatives in childhood (or right from birth or pre-birth ). I will give an abbreviated version. The interested reader can read the fuller account, in author’s own words, from the book itself.
http://www.crystalclarity.com/yogananda
As a baby, her mother carried him in her arms, to her guru, Lahiri Mahasaya, who was sitting with closed eyes in meditation, amongst a group of visitors. He opened his eyes and took the infant in his lap .He told her,” little mother, thy son will be a yogi (mystic)……” and that he will bring many souls to God’s kingdom.
Some years later, one day a strange sadhu (ascetic) came to their door and asked for Mukunda ‘s(childhood name of Yogananda) mother. He told her that she is going to die soon. On her deathbed she was instructed to hand over a certain silver amulet to her eldest son, who had to keep the amulet for one year and then hand it over to Mukunda, who would know what to do with it. To ensure that she would believe what he was telling her, he predicted a supernatural occurrence. He said that next day the talisman will materialize in her hands as she would meditate. That is exactly what happened.
After about another two years her mother suddenly died. She had already died before Mukunda and his father could reach by train the town where she was lying lifeless. To be not present when she was dying made the tragedy even worse. He missed her terribly, and longed for her soothing black eyes. Years passed before his heart could be healed. His cries at last summoned the Divine Mother. “It is I who have watched over you, birth after birth……see the black eyes, that you seek, in my gaze”
After reading these strange incidents, the reader will be curious about Swami Yogananda. Did he manifest the qualities of a great soul?
I will discuss it in the next installment
I could have selected half a dozen incidents from his early childhood. Let me start with the earliest, to document the fact that he was selected by God or his representatives in childhood (or right from birth or pre-birth ). I will give an abbreviated version. The interested reader can read the fuller account, in author’s own words, from the book itself.
http://www.crystalclarity.com/yogananda
As a baby, her mother carried him in her arms, to her guru, Lahiri Mahasaya, who was sitting with closed eyes in meditation, amongst a group of visitors. He opened his eyes and took the infant in his lap .He told her,” little mother, thy son will be a yogi (mystic)……” and that he will bring many souls to God’s kingdom.
Some years later, one day a strange sadhu (ascetic) came to their door and asked for Mukunda ‘s(childhood name of Yogananda) mother. He told her that she is going to die soon. On her deathbed she was instructed to hand over a certain silver amulet to her eldest son, who had to keep the amulet for one year and then hand it over to Mukunda, who would know what to do with it. To ensure that she would believe what he was telling her, he predicted a supernatural occurrence. He said that next day the talisman will materialize in her hands as she would meditate. That is exactly what happened.
After about another two years her mother suddenly died. She had already died before Mukunda and his father could reach by train the town where she was lying lifeless. To be not present when she was dying made the tragedy even worse. He missed her terribly, and longed for her soothing black eyes. Years passed before his heart could be healed. His cries at last summoned the Divine Mother. “It is I who have watched over you, birth after birth……see the black eyes, that you seek, in my gaze”
After reading these strange incidents, the reader will be curious about Swami Yogananda. Did he manifest the qualities of a great soul?
I will discuss it in the next installment
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
9.Preselected persons....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
As I mentioned last time (Sep,6), there are certain mystics which are preselected by God ( or His representatives. We have to use the term “representative “ because we do not know how the divine system works). These persons are often renowned for their lifelong piety or good deeds. Often, a unique feature which distinguishes them from other mystics is a spiritual event which occurred in childhood or early adulthood. I will give examples of five great mystics, who fulfill the above mentioned criteria and whose life histories are one hundred percent reliably recorded either by themselves (Shahab, Yogananda, and St. Therese of Lisieux ) or reliable writers who talked with the mystics and wrote down their words (Sri Ramakrishna,Brother Lawrence ). Let me start with Shahab
The author writes about this incident in a book called “Shahabnama “. Unfortunately this book is written in urdu language and is not available in English. I will have to give details to the readers to establish trustworthiness of the author (since, most likely, they cannot read the book themselves, and did not know the author personally). The author, a high-level bureaucrat, was a man of great integrity. He was incorruptible in a corrupt society. He stood up to the British rulers to save a village to be burnt as punishment, and as a consequence was physically assaulted by a high ranking British police officer. He criticized the supreme leader of the country and was persecuted by his minions. An attempt was made to kidnap his son from England. These worries made his wife so sick that she soon died. In the famous famine of Bengal of 1943 in which approximately four million persons died from hunger and flood, and mothers threw their infants (and sometimes themselves too ) from a bridge in Calcutta on Hugli river, he ordered and supervised the distribution of about three hundred tons of stored rice, in violation of the orders of British government (because the rice was stored for the exigencies of war, and second world war was in progress)
The second point to be noted is that nobody knew the full extent of the spiritual side of the author. He did not tell much to anybody. The details came to light only after his death, when the book was published. Even his closest friends (and being a public and literary man he had a large circle of friends and acquaintances) were astonished. My point is that he did not have to gain anything from the praise or censure of anybody because he was already dead. When his autobiography was published, there was a lot of discussion about his life. He was criticized for serving many autocrats, but everybody agreed that he was a truthful man. Being a literary and public man, in a sense, his life had been an open book. Even his harshest critics could not narrate a single lie in all his life. Therefore, we have to accept the astonishing, supernatural, events that he has narrated in his book. Over here we are concerned only with one simple dream from his childhood to establish the claim that he was preselected from childhood.
He was perhaps twelve or thirteen years old when he had a dream. He found himself in a vast desert. He had great trouble walking. His legs would sink up to his knees in sand. He became very short of breath. After a while he could not even walk and started crawling. He developed chest pain. Eventually, he saw prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) sitting on a prayer mat under a palm tree. The holy prophet smiled at him. Just at that moment he woke up.
He started crying on his good fortune. For a Muslim, visitation of holy prophet in a dream is considered the height of good fortune. Hearing the sound of crying his mother woke up. She asked him if he had a bad dream. Then she sniffed in the air and angrily said , “I have told you not to use fragrant oil in your hair. Now with fragrant oil, off course, you will get nightmares.” He hastily told his mother that he did not use any fragrant oil and narrated the whole dream to her. She also started crying.
The two persons that I have mentioned in my accounts of Aug, 14 and Aug, 18, had visitation in their dreams by holy persons/deities who left enchanting scent in the atmosphere.
The author writes about this incident in a book called “Shahabnama “. Unfortunately this book is written in urdu language and is not available in English. I will have to give details to the readers to establish trustworthiness of the author (since, most likely, they cannot read the book themselves, and did not know the author personally). The author, a high-level bureaucrat, was a man of great integrity. He was incorruptible in a corrupt society. He stood up to the British rulers to save a village to be burnt as punishment, and as a consequence was physically assaulted by a high ranking British police officer. He criticized the supreme leader of the country and was persecuted by his minions. An attempt was made to kidnap his son from England. These worries made his wife so sick that she soon died. In the famous famine of Bengal of 1943 in which approximately four million persons died from hunger and flood, and mothers threw their infants (and sometimes themselves too ) from a bridge in Calcutta on Hugli river, he ordered and supervised the distribution of about three hundred tons of stored rice, in violation of the orders of British government (because the rice was stored for the exigencies of war, and second world war was in progress)
The second point to be noted is that nobody knew the full extent of the spiritual side of the author. He did not tell much to anybody. The details came to light only after his death, when the book was published. Even his closest friends (and being a public and literary man he had a large circle of friends and acquaintances) were astonished. My point is that he did not have to gain anything from the praise or censure of anybody because he was already dead. When his autobiography was published, there was a lot of discussion about his life. He was criticized for serving many autocrats, but everybody agreed that he was a truthful man. Being a literary and public man, in a sense, his life had been an open book. Even his harshest critics could not narrate a single lie in all his life. Therefore, we have to accept the astonishing, supernatural, events that he has narrated in his book. Over here we are concerned only with one simple dream from his childhood to establish the claim that he was preselected from childhood.
He was perhaps twelve or thirteen years old when he had a dream. He found himself in a vast desert. He had great trouble walking. His legs would sink up to his knees in sand. He became very short of breath. After a while he could not even walk and started crawling. He developed chest pain. Eventually, he saw prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) sitting on a prayer mat under a palm tree. The holy prophet smiled at him. Just at that moment he woke up.
He started crying on his good fortune. For a Muslim, visitation of holy prophet in a dream is considered the height of good fortune. Hearing the sound of crying his mother woke up. She asked him if he had a bad dream. Then she sniffed in the air and angrily said , “I have told you not to use fragrant oil in your hair. Now with fragrant oil, off course, you will get nightmares.” He hastily told his mother that he did not use any fragrant oil and narrated the whole dream to her. She also started crying.
The two persons that I have mentioned in my accounts of Aug, 14 and Aug, 18, had visitation in their dreams by holy persons/deities who left enchanting scent in the atmosphere.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
8. Why Do They Travel...( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
There are two broad groups of travelers walking with the aim of realizing God:
- Those that are preselected by God
- Those who come on their own. Although, strictly speaking, nobody travels on this path without God's will.
It is easy to differentiate between the two groups. Those who are in the first group are pious in youth (actually they are pious even in their childhood). (Sexual urges are at their peak in youth and young adulthood). Whereas the second group often turn to God in later life, when it is easier to control the passions
The second group is quite heterogeneous. Some of them ventured on this path because they wanted to expand their consciousness. They may only have a vague belief in God or did not believe in God at all (Nancy Mayorga is an example. See the sidebar,"The Hunger...")
some wanted to attain supernatural powers. Some were just too poor and had no means to support themselves. It was easy for them to renunciate the world,wear the holy garb, and get free food and board by charitable people of India.
Some wanted to understand the world. What is the purpose of life? Why are we here? Who created this universe? These and other eternal, unsolvable questions. Human knowledge cannot supply the answers. May be, direct, divine knowledge, through meditation, will (this mote started like that).
A good percentage probably come from religion, i.e. they become more and more religious as they grow old. Eventually, religiosity changes to love for God. There may be other groups
What are the key differences between the various groups? Do all of them travel on the same path or are there different paths? What keeps them on the path, despite all the hardships that were mentioned previously? (Aug,30). I will expound upon them some other day
Monday, September 1, 2008
7. Narendra's singing...( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
And Narendra sang:
He sang impersonating one of the milkmaids.Her love of Krishna,the human form of God.
You are the mirror for the hand
And You are the flower for the hair
O Friend, I shall make a flower of You
And wear You in my hair;
Under my braids I shall hide You, Friend!
No one will see You there
You are the betel-leaf for the lips
The dark collyrium for the eyes
O Friend,with You I shall stain my lips
With You I shall paint my eyes.
March,1886 (see the sidebar "The gospel...")
Narendra was a young college student at that time. He later became Swami Vivekananda and founded the Ramakrishna-Vivekananda center of Newyork
( see sidebar for reference. "the gospel of ......")
He sang impersonating one of the milkmaids.Her love of Krishna,the human form of God.
You are the mirror for the hand
And You are the flower for the hair
O Friend, I shall make a flower of You
And wear You in my hair;
Under my braids I shall hide You, Friend!
No one will see You there
You are the betel-leaf for the lips
The dark collyrium for the eyes
O Friend,with You I shall stain my lips
With You I shall paint my eyes.
March,1886 (see the sidebar "The gospel...")
Narendra was a young college student at that time. He later became Swami Vivekananda and founded the Ramakrishna-Vivekananda center of Newyork
( see sidebar for reference. "the gospel of ......")
Saturday, August 30, 2008
6. The Greatest Hurdle..( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
What is the greatest hurdle or discouragement for a traveller on the path towards God?
You might think, to sit daily, for hours,in a rigid posture, is the greatest problem. You might think that focusing the mind on a thought or a point , and not let the mind wander, is even more difficult. What about finding the time for meditation or prayer every day? For some, staying awake during meditation is very difficult. I can attest to this impediment.Even after eight and a half years, I often fall asleep. To continue meditation/prayer while sleepy is fruitless.
You would think that giving up the attachments to the world, like family (wife,children, parents),friends,wealth, lust, fame,power,must be the most difficult desires to forsake.(You might be under the mistaken impression, that one has to give up all these desires to find God. Actually it is not true that you have to give up all these things, but you do have to detach yourself from ALL these things. Nothing is to be left except God ).
Are these insurmountable tasks? Yes,close to it. That is why so few take this path, and even fewer succeed .You may have heard the words from the Bible "Many are called but few chosen"(Matthew;22.14)
And,yet,there are,still,at least three more serious problems:
One of them is to find a competent teacher ( variously called "guru","murshad,"pir",etc).It is impossible to state the difficulty of finding a competent teacher(who would accept you as a disciple),in almost all countries except, perhaps,India. Without a teacher,it is impossible for an ordinary person to succeed. Some truly amazing persons like Maharishee Ramana (see the sidebar,"A search in secret india") realized God by themselves,but one has to wonder if they were pre-selected from the beginning by God.In Islamic spirituality ( also called Sufism)to find a teacher is even more difficult, because most often such mystics hide there spirituality from public. Nobody knows about it,except some close associates,or other Sufis.
Another hurdle on going on this path is the lusterless nature of the path, and lack of material benefit at the end ( I have used the word "end " for lack of a proper term. In fact there may be no end or destination,as the terms generally implies.To travel on this path is in itself the destination ). Rather, pain and suffering,may be the hallmark of existence for initial several years or decades of life (mixed with ineffable joy).Why would, then, any sane person want to travel this path? Specially,as sometimes, one cannot tell anybody one's achievement. One may have remained a recluse, and might have neglected one"s duties to society (wife, children,etc ).If one does not contribute to the society,should'nt his/her life be considered just a waste?
To me,the greatest source of despair and depression has been the lack of notable spiritual progress. You would think your Master will someday look down and acknowledge your efforts. But no such luck. All yours tears, all your begging, all yours prayers,remain unanswered, As if there was nobody on the other side.As if you were talking to a blank wall or arguing to a vending-machine.
This worthless mote is not unique.The great saint,Brother Lawrence,was not granted a bit of consolation in the first ten years( I may be forgiven for mentioning this nothingness in the same breath as Brother Lawrence ). He himself noted," It seemed to me that creatures,reason, and even God Himself were against me ......."(see the sidebar,"The practice...")
If all that I have mentioned is true,you may ask, then, what propels people towards this path.I will try to answer it sometimes.
You might think, to sit daily, for hours,in a rigid posture, is the greatest problem. You might think that focusing the mind on a thought or a point , and not let the mind wander, is even more difficult. What about finding the time for meditation or prayer every day? For some, staying awake during meditation is very difficult. I can attest to this impediment.Even after eight and a half years, I often fall asleep. To continue meditation/prayer while sleepy is fruitless.
You would think that giving up the attachments to the world, like family (wife,children, parents),friends,wealth, lust, fame,power,must be the most difficult desires to forsake.(You might be under the mistaken impression, that one has to give up all these desires to find God. Actually it is not true that you have to give up all these things, but you do have to detach yourself from ALL these things. Nothing is to be left except God ).
Are these insurmountable tasks? Yes,close to it. That is why so few take this path, and even fewer succeed .You may have heard the words from the Bible "Many are called but few chosen"(Matthew;22.14)
And,yet,there are,still,at least three more serious problems:
One of them is to find a competent teacher ( variously called "guru","murshad,"pir",etc).It is impossible to state the difficulty of finding a competent teacher(who would accept you as a disciple),in almost all countries except, perhaps,India. Without a teacher,it is impossible for an ordinary person to succeed. Some truly amazing persons like Maharishee Ramana (see the sidebar,"A search in secret india") realized God by themselves,but one has to wonder if they were pre-selected from the beginning by God.In Islamic spirituality ( also called Sufism)to find a teacher is even more difficult, because most often such mystics hide there spirituality from public. Nobody knows about it,except some close associates,or other Sufis.
Another hurdle on going on this path is the lusterless nature of the path, and lack of material benefit at the end ( I have used the word "end " for lack of a proper term. In fact there may be no end or destination,as the terms generally implies.To travel on this path is in itself the destination ). Rather, pain and suffering,may be the hallmark of existence for initial several years or decades of life (mixed with ineffable joy).Why would, then, any sane person want to travel this path? Specially,as sometimes, one cannot tell anybody one's achievement. One may have remained a recluse, and might have neglected one"s duties to society (wife, children,etc ).If one does not contribute to the society,should'nt his/her life be considered just a waste?
To me,the greatest source of despair and depression has been the lack of notable spiritual progress. You would think your Master will someday look down and acknowledge your efforts. But no such luck. All yours tears, all your begging, all yours prayers,remain unanswered, As if there was nobody on the other side.As if you were talking to a blank wall or arguing to a vending-machine.
This worthless mote is not unique.The great saint,Brother Lawrence,was not granted a bit of consolation in the first ten years( I may be forgiven for mentioning this nothingness in the same breath as Brother Lawrence ). He himself noted," It seemed to me that creatures,reason, and even God Himself were against me ......."(see the sidebar,"The practice...")
If all that I have mentioned is true,you may ask, then, what propels people towards this path.I will try to answer it sometimes.
Monday, August 18, 2008
5.Third dream.( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)
One night my friend had the following dream. He was taken to Lord Jagannath's temple in the town of Puri in India ( my friend had this dream in America ) .How he knew that this was the town of Puri or this was Lord Jagannath's temple,he does not know, or does not remember. He had never been to Puri before, and did not know that Lord Jagannath's temple was located there. He saw a hexagonal pond of bluish water with foam on it.He felt God or Lord Jagannath behind him (Hidu's consider Lord Jagannath,who was a man who lived in remote past,an incarnation of God).He felt the presence of a hand on the back of his neck. The Lord dipped his head in water. As his head went under water, he could not breath anymore.Inability to breathe, woke him up. The details of the dream were vividly imprinted in his mind. Even after several years, he could see in his mind's eye the eight-sided pond, the shallow blue water, the foam, and could feel the hand on the back of his neck
Several years passed. He longed to go to go to India and visit Puri. When,after about ten years, he was finally able to go to Lord Jagannath's temple, he was accompanied by a friend, who was a native of Puri. That person assured him that he had been to the temple hundreds of time, and there was no such pond over there. The two looked around and indeed there was no eight-sided pond. They even asked a "pujari" who also said the same thing. My friend was greatly saddened. He had hoped that the pond of his dream would actually exist, giving external (outside of the dream)validation to the truth of the dream
And what an enormous implication if the dream was true. God Himself, or one of His reprsentative, visited him in his dream, and dunked his head in some holy water;a ceremonial act of purification! What an honor!He would have been a very lucky man
As they walked,he suddenly saw some steps going up. An impulse led him to climb the steps.As they reached the top, they saw a small eight-sided pool,the pool of his dream. However, there was only a small circle of water in the center of the pool
He confronted the old pujari. "Pujariji, you said, there is no such pond. What about that pool on the top?"
"Oh that pond!That is Lord Jagannath's pond. He sometimes visits it with his baghats(holy persons)to bathe. It is not for general public"
"But there is no water in it"
"He does not need any water. We have left small amount of water as a token"
Several years passed. He longed to go to go to India and visit Puri. When,after about ten years, he was finally able to go to Lord Jagannath's temple, he was accompanied by a friend, who was a native of Puri. That person assured him that he had been to the temple hundreds of time, and there was no such pond over there. The two looked around and indeed there was no eight-sided pond. They even asked a "pujari" who also said the same thing. My friend was greatly saddened. He had hoped that the pond of his dream would actually exist, giving external (outside of the dream)validation to the truth of the dream
And what an enormous implication if the dream was true. God Himself, or one of His reprsentative, visited him in his dream, and dunked his head in some holy water;a ceremonial act of purification! What an honor!He would have been a very lucky man
As they walked,he suddenly saw some steps going up. An impulse led him to climb the steps.As they reached the top, they saw a small eight-sided pool,the pool of his dream. However, there was only a small circle of water in the center of the pool
He confronted the old pujari. "Pujariji, you said, there is no such pond. What about that pool on the top?"
"Oh that pond!That is Lord Jagannath's pond. He sometimes visits it with his baghats(holy persons)to bathe. It is not for general public"
"But there is no water in it"
"He does not need any water. We have left small amount of water as a token"
Saturday, August 16, 2008
4.More About Dreams. afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest
We were speaking of true dreams. Let me give some examples
A spiritual friend , when he was a young premedical student in India, more than half a century ago, saw the examination paper of anatomy , in a dream. The written test was going to take place next morning. The next to last question asked to describe the path of an important artery(basilar) in the brain. This is a difficult and uncommon question. Next question entailed the section of brain stem at a certain level. Next morning he quickly memorised the answers to these questions. While walking towards the college, to take the test, he told couple of friends, his dream, and these 2 questions.One friend did not know the details of the path of the artery, so he opted to go back, and quickly read about it in the textbook. The anatomy test paper had the same two questions in the same order
A few days before the results of premedical exam was going to be announced, he dreamt that he had missed the first division by 6 or 7 marks (I do not remember, at this moment, whether it was 6 or 7 , and being a spiritual person one has to be completely truthful). Next morning he told these news to his mother. His mother consoled him by telling him, not to worry, because it was just a dream, and he will get first division ( often, only first divisioners get admitted in medical college ). Suffice is to say , that my friend missed first division , by exactly the same number of marks
Did these two dreams predict the future. Not necessarily. At the time of the dream , the anatomy paper was already in existence, locked in safe boxes , in many examination centers .Similarly, at the time of second dream, the result of the test was already in existence, in university, and in printing press. As Paul Brunton theorises in his book," a search in secret Egypt "(see the sidebar) something, or entity, comes out of one's body,during sleep, travels, and reports back to the sleeper, what he/she observes.
Were future events be predicted, before they exist, before the zillion events which lead to an event, it would be an irrefutable evidence that future is preordained. It already exists somewhere. If future has already been made, then there must be a Maker or Creator. Because, the actors ( be it animate or inanimate ), that took part to make that event possible, have yet not played their role. Whether, everything is predetermined, is not such an open/shut case, and at this point I do not want to get into this discussion, because then I will digress from my narrative. I just want to point out the profound implications of such assumption.
I am not finished, yet, about my friend and his dreams. He has had dozens of spiritual dreams,in which he had vision of saints and prophets and deities. Were these dreams true visitation of these entities , or did his brain manufacture their images and scenes. There is no convincing answer to this question, because we do not know how these persons looked like , in real life, and if we know how they looked like ( for instance, Sri Ramakrishna )our brain might have put their image in front of our eyes , from the memory bank . However, he had one dream , in which his brain could not have constructed the image , because it did not possess the image . I will describe that dream in my next posting,
A spiritual friend , when he was a young premedical student in India, more than half a century ago, saw the examination paper of anatomy , in a dream. The written test was going to take place next morning. The next to last question asked to describe the path of an important artery(basilar) in the brain. This is a difficult and uncommon question. Next question entailed the section of brain stem at a certain level. Next morning he quickly memorised the answers to these questions. While walking towards the college, to take the test, he told couple of friends, his dream, and these 2 questions.One friend did not know the details of the path of the artery, so he opted to go back, and quickly read about it in the textbook. The anatomy test paper had the same two questions in the same order
A few days before the results of premedical exam was going to be announced, he dreamt that he had missed the first division by 6 or 7 marks (I do not remember, at this moment, whether it was 6 or 7 , and being a spiritual person one has to be completely truthful). Next morning he told these news to his mother. His mother consoled him by telling him, not to worry, because it was just a dream, and he will get first division ( often, only first divisioners get admitted in medical college ). Suffice is to say , that my friend missed first division , by exactly the same number of marks
Did these two dreams predict the future. Not necessarily. At the time of the dream , the anatomy paper was already in existence, locked in safe boxes , in many examination centers .Similarly, at the time of second dream, the result of the test was already in existence, in university, and in printing press. As Paul Brunton theorises in his book," a search in secret Egypt "(see the sidebar) something, or entity, comes out of one's body,during sleep, travels, and reports back to the sleeper, what he/she observes.
Were future events be predicted, before they exist, before the zillion events which lead to an event, it would be an irrefutable evidence that future is preordained. It already exists somewhere. If future has already been made, then there must be a Maker or Creator. Because, the actors ( be it animate or inanimate ), that took part to make that event possible, have yet not played their role. Whether, everything is predetermined, is not such an open/shut case, and at this point I do not want to get into this discussion, because then I will digress from my narrative. I just want to point out the profound implications of such assumption.
I am not finished, yet, about my friend and his dreams. He has had dozens of spiritual dreams,in which he had vision of saints and prophets and deities. Were these dreams true visitation of these entities , or did his brain manufacture their images and scenes. There is no convincing answer to this question, because we do not know how these persons looked like , in real life, and if we know how they looked like ( for instance, Sri Ramakrishna )our brain might have put their image in front of our eyes , from the memory bank . However, he had one dream , in which his brain could not have constructed the image , because it did not possess the image . I will describe that dream in my next posting,
Thursday, August 14, 2008
3.The dream ( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest )
This is about the dream of a person I know ( and it is not AFNTA)
The dream occurred few days ago, during a period of intense sorrow, yearning for God, and severe back pain. He usually spends several hours of each night in prayers. That night he was so sad that his tears would not stop. At last he fell asleep. He had a vivid dream. A highly spiritually advanced lady who had died few months ago, came in his dream. This was the first time she had visited him after her death. She was wearing beautiful green dress. He must be weeping in his sleep, because Amma( as she was called when she was alive, and literally means mother) wiped his tears with her hands. "Don't cry and be so desolate. Off course , these are the ways of this path " or words to that effect. Then she led him to a tomb of an 11Th century saint. she led him to the door of an underground room, and then left
With that the person suddenly woke up. The details of the dream were quite fresh.He had no doubt about the veracity of the dream. He had been getting true dreams in the past, and could tell a true from a false dream. He knew of the room also. That room is kept locked. Over the centuries , several great aspirants had done their spiritual exercises there
He did a three nights "chilla" in front of that door ( could not get permission to do the chilla in the room ) . Chilla is an islamic religious exercise, which entails fasting, intense prayers, and isolation. On the third night, Amma again came in his dream, and told him. " That is enough. you can go home now . it will be O.K" or words to that effect
He became quite sick due to this experience and is still sick
His mental state is very good. He thinks he has been successful. He believes in Amma's assurance.He also thinks that the soul of Amma was sent by Allah to comfort him and show him the path. The path was not an easy one. That person told me before he left for chilla that he was not sure if he would be able to make it through. The place is very hot and it is summer. There are mosquitoes and flies. There is no electricity. He was suffering from several diseases ( such as insulin-dependent diabetes, high blood pressure,heart disease, back pain )and could not eat or drink (during daytime ) due to the mandatory requirement of keepng a daytime fast during chilla
The dream occurred few days ago, during a period of intense sorrow, yearning for God, and severe back pain. He usually spends several hours of each night in prayers. That night he was so sad that his tears would not stop. At last he fell asleep. He had a vivid dream. A highly spiritually advanced lady who had died few months ago, came in his dream. This was the first time she had visited him after her death. She was wearing beautiful green dress. He must be weeping in his sleep, because Amma( as she was called when she was alive, and literally means mother) wiped his tears with her hands. "Don't cry and be so desolate. Off course , these are the ways of this path " or words to that effect. Then she led him to a tomb of an 11Th century saint. she led him to the door of an underground room, and then left
With that the person suddenly woke up. The details of the dream were quite fresh.He had no doubt about the veracity of the dream. He had been getting true dreams in the past, and could tell a true from a false dream. He knew of the room also. That room is kept locked. Over the centuries , several great aspirants had done their spiritual exercises there
He did a three nights "chilla" in front of that door ( could not get permission to do the chilla in the room ) . Chilla is an islamic religious exercise, which entails fasting, intense prayers, and isolation. On the third night, Amma again came in his dream, and told him. " That is enough. you can go home now . it will be O.K" or words to that effect
He became quite sick due to this experience and is still sick
His mental state is very good. He thinks he has been successful. He believes in Amma's assurance.He also thinks that the soul of Amma was sent by Allah to comfort him and show him the path. The path was not an easy one. That person told me before he left for chilla that he was not sure if he would be able to make it through. The place is very hot and it is summer. There are mosquitoes and flies. There is no electricity. He was suffering from several diseases ( such as insulin-dependent diabetes, high blood pressure,heart disease, back pain )and could not eat or drink (during daytime ) due to the mandatory requirement of keepng a daytime fast during chilla
Friday, August 8, 2008
2.Love for God ( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest )
Excerpts from GOR ( gospel of Ramakrishna) ,describing the pathos of the milkmaid:
I shall wear You, my lovely Necklace,
Here about my neck,
And You will lie upon my bosom,
Close to my throbbing heart.
You are the Treasure in my body;
You are Dweller in my house,
You are to me, O Lord,
what wings are to a bird,
What water is to a fish
3/15/1886. (see the sidebar."The Gospel...." for reference) submitted by afnta
I shall wear You, my lovely Necklace,
Here about my neck,
And You will lie upon my bosom,
Close to my throbbing heart.
You are the Treasure in my body;
You are Dweller in my house,
You are to me, O Lord,
what wings are to a bird,
What water is to a fish
3/15/1886. (see the sidebar."The Gospel...." for reference) submitted by afnta
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
1. A beginning ( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest )
I have started this blog on Tuesday August 5, 2008 at 8 p.m. May God bless my efforts.
submitted by " asks for nearness to Allah" ( afnta )
Oct,3 , 2008. The aim of this blog is twofold: to vent my feelings, and to glorify Allah.
submitted by " asks for nearness to Allah" ( afnta )
Oct,3 , 2008. The aim of this blog is twofold: to vent my feelings, and to glorify Allah.
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