158.mother of St Augustine

158. Mother of Saint Augustine

 

 

Anybody who has read ‘Confessions’ (1) cannot help being touched by the holiness of Monica, mother of Augustine. We have glimpses of her life and even her actual words as narrated by her son in his book. She died in Italy in 387 A.D. 

Her husband was a man of short temper and unfaithful to her. Wife beating was a common practice during those days but her husband, 

 ‘ respected, loved, and admired her……….many women, whose faces were disfigured by blows from husbands would complain the behavior of their men-folk……They used to remark how surprising it was that they had never heard, or seen any marks to show……….any domestic disagreement……even for one day ’(1) 

Her mother-in-law was at first prejudiced against her, but she won her over by ‘… dutiful attention and constant patience and gentleness’ (1)
 

Her greatest desire in life was that her son should turn to God. St Augustine writes:

 

“My mother, your faithful servant, wept to you for me, shedding more tears for my spiritual death than other mothers shed for the bodily death of a son”.

 

 Augustine was leading a sinful life and had a concubine.

One night she had a dream:

 

“She dreamt that she was standing on a wooden ruler, and coming towards her in a halo of splendor she saw a young man who smiled at her in joy, although she herself was sad and quite consumed in grief. He asked her the reason for her grief and her daily tears…………….When she replied that her tears were for the soul I had lost, he asked her to take heart for, if she looked carefully, she would see where she was, there also was I. And when she looked, she saw me standing beside her on the same rule.”

“She always said that by some sense…….she was able to distinguish between Your revelations and her own natural dreams” 

This was a divine revelation. Augustine argued that it meant that she should not despair to be like him, one day.

‘She said at once and without hesitation “No! He did not say ‘Where he is, you are’ but ‘where you are, he is’. 

This dream gave her great reassurance. She never doubted the veracity of the dream. She became certain that her son Augustine would, one day turn to God, although it took close to nine years. Despite the dream,

“ ……….never ceased to pray at all hours and to offer to You the tears she shed for me…………but she gave no rest to her sighs and her tears. Her prayers reached Your presence and yet You still left me to twist and turn in dark”. 

While she was crossing the Mediterranean Sea on a ship, the ship came in danger. 

“ It was she who put heart in the crew…………She promised them that they would make the land in safety, because You had given her this promise in a vision” 

Once she kept on begging a Bishop to talk to Augustine and show him the right path, but the Bishop kept on refusing. He said, 

“Leave him alone and just pray to God for him”.  

But Monica would not stop her entreaties. 

“At last he grew impatient and said ‘Leave me and go in peace. It cannot be that the son of these tears should be lost”. In later years she used to say that she accepted those words as a message from heaven” 

Augustine turned to God by a strange set of events, which I will narrate in detail when I write about him. Her mother was overjoyed to hear it.

Five days before her sickness which resulted in her death, after a long and tiring journey, mother and son started talking about the eternal life of saints. It was a serene and peaceful conversation. They talked of the material things and of heaven and of love of God. Here are some excerpts:

 

“As the flame of love burned stronger in us and raised us higher towards the eternal God……..up to the heavens themselves, from which the sun and the moon and the stars shine down upon the earth. Higher still we climbed………At length we came to our own souls and passed beyond to that place of everlasting beauty…... There life is that Wisdom by which all things that we know are made………But that Wisdom is not made: it is as it has always been and as it will be forever…………..” 

“And while we spoke of the eternal Wisdom, longing for it and straining for it with the strength of our hearts, for one fleeting instant we reached it and touched it. Then with a sigh …we returned to the sound of our own speech…” 

“And then my mother said: ‘My son. For my part I find no further pleasure in this life……. What I am still to do or why I am here in this world, I do not know, for I have no more to hope for in this world. There was one reason, and one alone, why I wished to remain a little longer in this life and that was to see you a Catholic Christian before I died. God has granted my wish and more ………..What is left for me to do in this world?” 

It was about five days after this that she developed fever and died after nine days of sickness. 

She had expressed her wish to be buried beside her husband in Africa, in a grave which she had provided and prepared herself. Because they had lived in the greatest harmony, she wanted this extra happiness.

But she renounced her wish while she was sick, and told her son as follows: 

 “You will bury your mother here (Ostia)” And then, speaking to both of us, she went on, ‘It does not matter where you bury my body. Do not let that worry you! All I ask of you is that, wherever you may be, you should remember me at the altar of the Lord’

She was not frightened at the thought of leaving her body so far from her own country. ‘Nothing is far from God, and I need have no fear that He will not know where to find me when He  comes to raise me to life at the end of the world’
................................................................................................

 

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ (1) ‘Confessions’ by St Augustine, Penguin Edition

 

29. Types of paths, continued ( fourth installment ).....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)

There are three practical points about the technique which, in my opinion, are quite important.

1. To practice meditation, you can sit in a comfortable chair. You do not have to assume lotus, or semi-lotus position. Lotus position has its advantages, but if you or old, or your joints are stiff, or you get pain, do not worry, just sit in a comfortable chair. Fully relaxed. No part of body should be under stress, otherwise, soon the position will become unbearable, and you will have pain. When you start, ask yourself this question; 'can I maintain this position for one or two hours?’

2. Back should be straight. Ideally it should not be supported by the chair. Too comfortable a chair will lead to sleep.

Why should the spine be straight? Because, after some practice, waves start moving up and down the spine. These are, so called, waves of kundalini or serpent power (see sidebar, "living with…”). Straight spine expedites the development and propagation of these waves. According to Sri Ramakrishna, the development of these waves is an essential precursor to enlightenment.

You can read about kundalini and different centers of body, called chakras, in books about yoga. I do not know enough about them (and do not care, because I follow the path of love for God), but erect spine, and the next instruction, does help.


3. Look slightly towards the center of the eyebrows, as if you have a squint, with eyes closed. After a while you will get throbbing or some other sensation at that point. Now you can stop looking at that point and just concentrate at that point. The new sensation will help you to concentrate at that point. This is, initially, a difficult practice, and an un-natural one, for the eyeballs, because both eyes are turned inwards (normally when one eye moves inwards, the other moves outwards). It produces strain on the eye muscles. One gets pain in the eyes, one falls sleep, and so on. But keep on doing it. It took this nothingness years to learn it. It helps in enhancement of floating or swinging sensation. If you cannot look towards the center, at least concentrate at that point.

I was always intrigued by this injunction, despite the fact, that Sri Yukteswar, the great guru of Swami Yogananda , had said somewhere, that you do not have to develop squint, while meditation ( or words to that effect ).

The reason I was intrigued was the fact, that Sri Ramakrishna, went into nirbikalpa Samadhi when he concentrated upon the center of eyebrows, at the instruction of Totapuri (see 22, fourth installment)

I, recently read, in Gita (see footnote), the most important of all Hindu scriptures, the following ( 8 :10):

"………………..with your mind completely stilled and your concentration fixed in the center of spiritual awareness between the eyebrows, you will realize the supreme Lord”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
The Bhagvad Gita, translated by Eknath Easwaran

28. Types of paths, continued (Third installment).....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)

The path of wisdom or knowledge is extremely difficult. The spiritual aspirant tries to understand the majesty of God. During this process, he falls in love with God. He learns the purpose of the creation. He gets the answers to questions which have perplexed humanity for centuries.

This is a dry path. In the end, the path of wisdom and the path of love meet. In other words, an aspirant who realizes God through knowledge gets love for God, and an aspirant who loves God, now, also understands God and gets knowledge and wisdom.
Lord Buddha succeeded in realizing God through this path. Paul Brunton appeared to have followed this path. He has written several books, especially for Western audience, and has given practical details (see footnote) His guru, Maharishee Ramana, realized God, through this path, without any teacher.

I do not practice this path; therefore, I cannot give you the practical details. I tried to follow this path, initially, but failed, due to inability to stay awake during meditation. The theory behind this path is, as follows:

The aim is to realize one’s own self. This Self is hidden in the innermost recesses of one’s mind. To reach this Self, is extremely difficult, because one has to quieten one’s mind. One’s mind is constantly active and spinning thoughts. Except in deep, dreamless sleep, it is always active. Its nature is to be always active and make thoughts. Therefore, to stop one’s thoughts, in order for Self to emerge, is extremely difficult, and requires years of constant practice.

Why should one want to realize one’s inner Self? What good will that do? Is there any hidden, vast, mysterious, wisdom or knowledge present in that, so called, Self, which, the person himself, is not aware of? Is it reasonable to assume such a strange proposition? In other words, why should there be such hidden knowledge? Where did it come from? Why should this knowledge be different than the knowledge one accumulates, throughout one’s life, by learning through one‘s senses, since, one’s first breath in this world?

The answer to all these questions is, yes, yes, yes. The reason one wants to know one’s Self is, that the Self is akin (or made in the image of) to the Supreme Self (or God), which is present everywhere, both inside and outside us. In simple terms, God is within us.

There is no proof of it. It just is. To borrow an example from Aldous Huxley, “by looking at water there is nothing to suggest that it is made of two gases, but we just accept it as the truth. Under rigorous experimental conditions, water splits into hydrogen and oxygen”
(in, The perennial philosophy by Aldous Huxley )

Similarly, the great Masters have told us that after years of practice of meditation, aimed at focusing the mind on Self, one can silence one’s thoughts. If this state, which has aptly been named as ‘alert passivity’ is sustained for some time, a sort of vacuum is created in the mind. A practitioner of this art, Sudhei Babu, in Brunton’s book (see sidebar, ".........India" ) said; "…….God……..the soul, the higher power, shall I say, enters and fills that vacuum.”

Knowing one’s self was considered as important, in ancient times, in far-away ancient Greece, as in India and Far East. One of the two sayings of Oracle of Delphi (mentioned by Homer, in eighth century B.C ) was ‘Know Thyself’


………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
1. The secret path by Paul Brunton
2. The perennial philosophy by Aldous Huxley

27. Types of paths, continued, (Second installment).....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)

If love for God is essential for success (in the path of love for God), a logical question arises, how to get love for God?

The answer is that some get it free, as a gift from God (as this unworthy mote got it), others have to cultivate it. A devotee asked this question: "how can I develop love for God?” Sri Ramakrishna replied, "Repeat His name…..” The devotee asked the next question, “How can I take delight in God’s name?”

He replied: "pray to God with a yearning heart that you may take delight in His name.”

The essence of his reply is to pray to God to grant the person love for Him. Prayer is a mortal’s last resort

It is also mentioned by sages, that to develop longing for spirituality one must seek the company of holy men. If it is not possible to have the company of holy men, then spiritual books are a substitute. This mote has been guided and consoled by books. I was initially made aware of the world of spirituality by a book, “shahabnama” (see sidebar). I had absolutely no belief in the existence of life after death, but my views changed after reading that book. I was comforted for almost a whole year by “pilgrim of stars” (see sidebar). If book could speak, it would have testified to my anguish. Several other books, listed in sidebar, held a light, and showed me the path, in the dark night.

I cannot, ever, repay the debt I owe to these authors. Their voices, guided me, sometimes across centuries ( Brother Lawrence over three centuries, St Teresa of Avila, over five centuries, and Daata Gunj Bakhash over ten centuries). The diary entries of Nancy Mayorga, her ecstasies and her sorrows , stirred the depths of my soul.

The journeys of Paul Brunton, in foreign lands, in search of truth, and ultimately finding it, are full of suspense. They leave an indelible impression. Love for God is palpable, and drips from every page of ‘Confessions’ by St Augustine, written, sixteen centuries ago. One feels, that one is not alone, countless seekers have gone before him, and some have left their footprints in the sands of time, to guide us, to sustain us, and to comfort us. They wrote these books, not for personal aggrandizement, but to help others and to glorify God

And sometimes, some holy souls, even come back from other worlds, from where no one comes, at God’s orders, to comfort an aspirant in distress, and wipe his/her tears (see the entry 3. 'The dream', and entry 14, St Therese). I quote entry 3, because it was told to me by the person himself.

God has everything. We cannot give him anything which he does not have. He does not need anything. However, there is one thing, which we can give, and He will like our gift, and that is our love for Him. Our love, without asking for anything in return. Even He, who has everything, likes it. He is drawn by a devotee’s love. Read again the entry, 17. Brother Lawrence….

"….I eat and drink at the Lord’s Table.” In another letter he writes: "….this King, full of goodness and mercy, lovingly embraces me, seats me at His table, waits on me Himself, gives me the keys to His treasures, and treats me in all things His favorite; He converses with me and takes delight in me in countless ways….This is what I see from time to time while in His holy presence.”

To be continued

26. Types of paths (To God), First installment .....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)

There are countless paths to God. Imagine God as a lamp, suspended in air, and each ray being emitted from it, a path. One could reach the lamp, from any point in space, by traversing the nearest ray, back to the lamp. Sri Ramakrishna used to say “As many faiths, so many paths”

However, there are three standard paths. The path of love, the path of wisdom, and the path of action, conveniently remembered as the three ‘h’s’, the heart, the head and the hand.

The path of love is considered the easiest path, but it is said to be slower than the others. It does not require anything else as a pre- requisite, except the love for God. But it is no ordinary love. It has to be intense yearning for God. It should be a complete obsession. There is a story to illustrate it. Once a disciple asked his teacher about the longing for God that is needed for God –realization. The teacher took the disciple to a river, and immersed his head under water. The disciple panted and struggled. When he reached near drowning, the guru took him out. “How did you feel?” the guru asked. “I thought I was going to die”. “That is how you should feel about God”

Is love of God enough for God-realization? The answer is that I do not know. I am not a God-realized person to answer it with certainty. On one hand I know that the love of God, once developed, never goes away, but is it enough? It only assures that the person will continue pursuing his objective, till death. But God-realization is not in the hands of the seeker. Ultimately it is God’s decision to give him, His Grace. The grace of God is absolutely necessary to realize God. Does God, always reward a person who has pursued Him with single-mindedness? It is often said, that God never allows one’s efforts to go waste, and always rewards one’s efforts. But what is the reward in this case? Full or only partial God-realization? Does anybody really know the mind of God?

On the other hand the person may still have significant attachment to the world (for instance, family, wealth, name, fame, ego, craving for power, etc). God –realization only occurs when one’s heart is empty of all other attachments, and exclusively loves God.

Another factor to consider is that how much time is available to the person to attain his objective. Although, he may be making reasonable progress, he may die before he has reached his destination. According to Hindu philosophy, one has multiple lives. In his next life, such a person will start from the point he had reached in his previous life. But, other religions do not believe in multiple lives.
How much average time is needed to realize God? This question was asked by Brunton to Maharishee Ramana (see the sidebar, “A search in secret India"). The saint replied that there was no ‘average’. It depended upon the seeker’s mind; gunpowder lights up in a flash, whereas considerable time is needed to kindle a fire from wet wood

Whatever path one is following, two traits are a necessity for success; patience and perseverance. Progress is often slow and imperceptible. The seeker is unable to discern the progress, just as an ant climbing a hill does not know her progress. Therefore, patience is taxed to the limit. Perseverance is not at all a problem for true lovers, as I mentioned previously (25. Why do they travel, continued), they just cannot abandon.
To be continued

25. Why do they travel, continued ( second installment )).....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)

I did not do enough justice, in my first installment, to the question , that what in the first place,brings the seekers, to travel on the path of God-reaization (Post 8,Sep. 6. 08.) The answer is simple and brief, that they have hunger in their souls. I plan to discuss the hunger in greater detail, when I discuss the stages of this journey, in some future date. At this time, just remember, that whether, they are preselected, or come on their own, to start on the search of God , they must have a feeling of something missing in their life. As William Law, an 18th century British mystic said:

”The hunger of the soul is the first necessity. All else will follow.”

The Post on Sep, 6 ended with these two questions:

Do all of them travel on the same path or are there different paths?
What keeps them on the path, despite all the hardships that were mentioned previously? (6. the greatest hurdle. Aug, 30).

I will answer the second question first, because it is very brief. Why do they stay on the path, and keep travelling, despite the horrendous hardships that were mentioned on Aug, 30. The answer is that they are incapable of giving up. It is beyond their powers. They cannot abandon the pursuit of God-realization even if they wanted to.

I am only talking of the path of finding God through loving Him. I do not know of other paths. And I am only talking of true lovers of God. There are people who think that their journey on this path is for the love for God only, but it may not be strictly true. They may be in it for base motives, such as, to have name and fame or to have power. They may even have a noble motive, such as to help others. For instance, to attain supernatural powers in order to heal the sick or help the poor. They themselves may not be aware that their love is not pure. The person mentioned in Aug, 14 started on this path to attain supernatural powers, and to help others. Actually, he was doing it to satisfy his ego, but his mind was fooling him into believing that he was doing it for altruistic purposes.

Just as a ripe fruit cannot become unripe again, or a child once grown into an adult, cannot become child again, so is the person who has once developed love for God, he cannot undo or abandon his love. That is the difference between Ishaq-a-majazi ( love with anything except God )and Ishaq-a-haqiqi ( love with God). Love with material things, or creatures may end, but love with God is irreversible and never ends.

Shahab ( see sidebar) said the same thing, and the examples of fruit and child are from his book. This humble mote can attest to the truth of this statement from personal experience. Over the years of this travel, sometimes this writer would lose all hope ( occasionally, still do ). Lack of progress, and lack of response or help from God, threw everything in doubt. In despair, even the thought of ending the life has entered the head. But one thought never entered the mind, never even for one second, and that is to relinquish this journey.

As you know, the journey never ends. Even God-realized saints had their falls, because of ego. But there is a difference between the persons who have realized God, and those who are striving to realize God. God-realized persons have no fall ( or if they fall, they rise ) because God Himself protects them. Sri Ramakrishna ( see sidebar )stated in his own words :

" But one need not fear anything if one has received God’s grace. It is rather easy for a child to stumble if he holds his father’s hand; but there can be no such fear if the father holds the child’s hand.”

Swami Ramdas in his book ( see footnote ) narrates a dialogue with an abbot in Switzerland in which he expresses the same sentiments; "……… He assures you that He will never allow you to fall…."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. World of God, by Swami Ramdas

24. Sri Ramakrishna, continued ( sixth installment ).....( afnta, afnta-questforallah, Allah, God, love for God, quest)

All sort of visitors started turning up to his residence. They belonged to all creeds and sects. They were rich , middle class , or poor. Some were educated with college degrees, some were religious scholars, and some were illiterate. Some held important government positions and some were beggars. Virtuous women, as well as prostitutes, would come . He taught all of them from his encyclopedic knowledge and his incomparable personal experiences . Everybody was touched with his sincerity. Sometimes, he would speak twenty out of twenty-four hours. He would sing devotional songs, listen to hymns, dance, weep in ecstasy, worship, meditate, chant holy names, and sleep little.

He attracted young , inquisitive, idealistic, school and college students. SR was a great judge of character. He had the uncanny ability to discern their minds. With extreme care, he prepared future monks, and made Narindra ( future Swami Vivekananda )their leader. Fifteen disciples, all except one, were young men or boys. They renounced the world soon after his death, in 1886. This is a testament to their idealism and his poweful influence, even after death. He was fifty year old at the time of his death.

He did not perform any miracles, but several supernatural events have been recorded and well corroborated. For instance, Narendra ( Swami Vivekananda, his chief disciple ), narrated the account of his early visits to the Master (SR). On his second visit, he touched Narendra, and Narendra felt overwhelmed. ........walls whirling….. He cried in terror:”What are you doing to me…?” With a laugh, Master easily restored him. On his third visit, he narrates, ” in Jadu Mallick’s garden house , the Master one day touched me, and muttered something to himself. I became unconscious. The effect of the touch lingered in me for a month, like an intoxication.”

He had the ability to awaken spirituality, in others, by mere touch, or sometimes, even by just a glance. He had trained his mind so much against gold and lust, that he could not touch coins, or have intimate relationship with women. He regarded all women as mothers. He once said “I have never enjoyed a woman, even, in my dreams”.

He got married, but the marriage was never consummated, despite the fact, that he and his wife shared the same cot for eight months. His wife was trained by him, in spirituality, and became a great mystic in her own right. To test the fact that Master could not hold gold, Narendra, once hid a coin under his mattress. When Master sat on it, he developed sharp pain, as if he was stung by a scorpion.

Ramakrishna centers are all over the world!

The book listed in sidebar is the translation of the diary of Mr M (headmaster of a high school in Calcutta), a very close householder disciple of SR, who recorded the events, and wrote down Master’s words, with great fidelity.

What was his main message? Love God!

I conclude this narrative by giving you a taste of the fire burning in the Master. Here are the words of the Master, uttered, on October 11, 1884. He expressed such sentiments almost daily:

“I prayed to the Divine Mother:’ O Mother, I don’t want name or fame. I don’t want the eight occult powers………………O Mother I have no desire for creature comforts. Please grant me the boon that I may have pure love for Thy Lotus Feet.’” Then he addressed Ishan ( a devotee ), who was holding his feet:

“Be mad! Be mad with love of God! Let world know that Ishan has gone mad and cannot perform worldly duties any more………”