195. Mkadk’s progress
There has been some recent progress. It started on 2-3 of Dec 2015.
There are always ups and down in this journey. Aridity and bliss alternate with each other, till one reaches the final stage, when one becomes connected with God all the time. Then these cycles end, and there is peace and contentment constantly. Now all my sessions are good, full of bliss. In 4/15 and 5/15, I had asked BBJ to pray for me, that I should get my two goals, ‘Green Allah, and a supernatural spiritual event ‘. Those have not occurred. The door to God is still closed as ever. It will open at age 78, or earlier, as promised by QA. BBJ said he cannot help me, nobody can, God wants it that way, but he can pray that my path may be made easier ( 5/15). He asked RQ to raise his hands and pray with him. Both prayed for me. I think God granted their prayer. My path has become easier
This easing of path, if true, and if it continues, is a great milestone achieved. My path has been made tremendously easy. It is due to the predictability of the bliss during my morning session. Another factor is that I have finally started believing that I will get my goal in less than five years. Although I am terribly impatient and don’t want to wait. I would rather die today without finding God, than to wait for 5 years. But it is still better than never finding God at all. Why this waiting? I think it is unjust. I constantly fight with God about it. I want to understand the reason behind it.
Meditation period has increased. From 4 hours to 5 hours every day. Now I have an evening one hour book reading session
Tears have increased; from one time a day to 2 times a day. Bliss, in the morning session has increased.
SK (the chief disciple of QA) is going to sing my five Urdu poems. He had been a professional wandering singer, so he knows better. QA also listened to my poems. His remark was that they reminded him of old time when similar verses (of love and separation from God) used to erupt from his heart. Now, off course, he is all the time connected with God.
He must be close to eighty at this time.
I had written a letter to QA, and put it under the sign of Allah, in my meditation room. I wrote it on 2/15/13. It consisted of 2 questions. I had completely forgotten it. The other day I found the paper and was amazed that both questions have been answered. The two questions were:
When will I find God?
Is it true, or just my imagination, that a receiver has been installed in my head? If any of the great spirits, present in this room want to answer these questions, they are welcome
The second question was answered by Shah Sahib in 2014 or 2013. RQ asked him this question on my behalf. He said “it is true. Receiver has been installed. To further improve it depends upon him”.
The second question was answered by QA in 5/2015 and again in 6/15, once through SK and once by wireless communication directly to RQ. How many persons in the whole world are lucky enough to be told, years in advance, that they are in the notice of God and have been accepted for the greatest honor that a human being can get in this life; an honor granted not by any human being but by God Himself. Just the thought of the Master looking at me fills me with awe and gratitude. I want to share it with the whole world. I want to shout on rooftop “o’ people of this world, I have been selected by God! Me, mkadk. And God approved its disclosure to me through QA. QA would have never told RQ, without God’s permission. He could not have been given this knowledge by God, if God did not want it. Why did God want me to know? To comfort me, what else? Seeing my anguish he took pity on me. He could not grant me the reward now (instead of age 78), because I am not ready. I don’t have the capacity to handle it. Remember, my own poem (blog 61, The Riddle): “Trained according to capacity and need”. This episode clearly shows that God is personal ( as a matter of fact He is both personal and impersonal, as I have previously discussed it in blog 114): unchanging God and His kinetic energy))
It is most amazing that my letter with the two questions has been answered.
What a relief? It also almost guarantees that I will live till that time (2020 or earlier). Although QA was careful to state that I will get my goal only if I live that long. He also said that the desire to live has gone in him (mkadk). However I am certain that God won’t let me die without rewarding me. That is how God works. Effort must be rewarded. His justice absolutely demands it.
Living till 2020 is not a joy for me. I would rather die today, unfulfilled. This is because I don’t want to live away from God for almost five years. Pain and anguish has decreased now, as compared to a year ago.
I also think it is not fair that I have never been given even one bit of spiritual reward for 16 years. No spiritual event. Although others have been like me; Brother Lawrence did not get even a bit of reward for 10 years, Philip John (Searcher from England, see blog 64) for over 25 years. But I am not sure they never saw a spiritual supernatural event in others. Philip John met many Qalandars in the desert of Sindh; he may have seen a spiritual event first hand while he was with them.
Brother Lawrence had written at one place that God liked his talk. If he forgot to talk to Him for any length of time, He gently reminded him and drew his attention( blog 18). Pleasant sensations occurred in him, so pleasant that he was embarrassed to mention them. Now, for the last 3 weeks when in the evening I sit on a sofa to read a spiritual book and get into the spiritual mood, pleasant sensation develop on the face and last till the end of one hour session. This instant reward is something new. I have been given a spark of the fire which raged in Brother Lawrence.
If you are curious about the Green Allah, you deserve an explanation. My wish is that whenever I should close my eyes and think of God, I should be able to see the Green Allah sign , as it is written on a piece of paper and hanging on a wall in my meditation room. I made it myself, and MB and I colored it green and sprinkled glitter on it. The sign should appear on the back of upper eyelids, as in a dream, and not back in brain, as one sees things in imagination. I have never been able to do it, even for one second. All thoughts should be focused on God at that time( to prevent thoughts from wandering, something is required in the field of vision ), and I should forget passage of time. I should be neither asleep nor unconscious.
My second desire, to experience a supernatural spiritual event, is important to me. I want to be touched by this limitless, mysterious, God’s spiritual system. Only then would I believe it. If QA would merely contact me directly, over a distance of thousands of miles, I would be satisfied. He has the power to do so. He has sent instructions to RQ and SK many times by imprinting the words in their brains. I requested him but he denied my request. Shahab received a letter from Germany. That was an example of a supernatural spiritual event (Blog 65). No doubts are left in an open-minded person’s mind after such an event.