I had decided not to write any more after the last blog posted on 5.3.2009. I have mentioned the reasons in the " introduction" of my book. The book is simply a collection of all the blog on this site.
Here is the title page, some other entries, and the introduction of the book
MKADK’s Journey towards Allah
Collection of Blog at:
Who Sustained Me In This Effort
Here is a partial collection of my blog:
The purpose of writing the blog was to express my feelings and , like St. Therese of Lisieux, tell the world about the goodness of God (blog no. 13) , a fact not appreciated in the miseries of the world. I have recently become personally aware of a definitive proof of God’s kindness towards humanity.
I stopped writing my blog because I did not think that the thoughts of this mote were important enough for the world to know them. A speck and its thoughts! Did not achieve any spiritual success. That shows my worthiness.Furthermore, nobody was reading the blog.
On December 13, 1999, when I took the first practical step in the search for Allah, I did not even know the direction . I did not believe in any religion. Except that unbearable, painful , love that burnt in my heart , there was no external light (similar to St. John of the Cross, although he had the beliefs and organization, while I had none ). There was no guide. I was shown the way by books of mystics. I learned the direction and path through reading these books and appealing to God for help. The books which particularly helped me have been alphabetically named in a list .
Initially I was sure that my Master, Himself, will help me so I need not worry about anything. My thought was that if a person tries to reach Allah and during that effort does not care for the enticements of this world, then surely, God must be appreciative of his dedication and will help him; show him the way.
But now, after twelve and a half years, this hypothesis has seriously been damaged. Apparently God has not helped one bit (see Brother Lawrence’s experience, blog 15) If He provided help, in secret, that may be a different matter. I am off course, unaware of it. Maybe after a few more years, if my desires get fulfilled, this theory may be restored. Or, it may be God’s desire, that all travelers must come, completely, of their own free will, their own volition and not due to any compulsion or thought of reward. Just because they love Him. The searcher must face all the difficulties himself, with patience and perseverance. If God were to keep on helping him in his trials and tribulations to reach Him, then it will be a bit like if I give money to some one to praise me – what good will be such praise? As a matter of fact, now I think the immense impediments of this travel are one absolutely necessary component of it. The second component is love for God. A love, which does not demand anything in return. Not a hint of expectation of any reward from God (I am only talking about the ‘path of love’. I do not profess to know of other paths). Therefore , in this particular path, one should not request anything from God because it smells of compensation and wages. It denotes lack of contentment with what God has given you and unhappiness with His decision. As St. John of the Cross would say “This is not the way of the cross”.
How much road has been travelled? I do not know. Those milestones which mystics have mentioned have not yet come.
Therefore, probably, despite daily meditation ( except a period of illness), it is still the beginning. My brother asked a great mystic (Qalandar) about me. He replied: “ I came in this area as a young man, fifty-fiftyfive years have passed.”. Then the mystic was silent.
That ‘great adept’ lived in a cave on a hill. This was his answer, meaning, it is a lifelong effort.
Then he suddenly said “He has a Hindu friend who is a good man, a pious man, a man near to Allah”. The great mystic was 6-7 thousand miles away from my Hindu friend. How did he know about my friend? Only he knew this secret . Though, my friend, in my opinion,is near God. He used to go into Smadhi, ( trance like state ) once or twice daily for 10-20 minutes, during which he would be lost in thought of God, oblivious to time and space. During some the smadhis, his hands would start smelling of sandalwood, a scent associated with Lord Krishna. Mention of God’s name often brought tears to his eyes. Very few people knew this aspect of his life (see blog 5). He had never met or heard of the ‘great Muslim adept”.
For searchers of God, love for God is very important. Such people go to great lengths to acquire this gift . I was given this boon, free, from the very first day of the quest. I am utterly and completely grateful to God for giving it to me.
I have never had a spiritual experience. But if I do not mention two blessings, it will be tantamount to ungratefulness. First, is the bliss during a part of the meditation. This blissfulness is due to the imagined presence of God. One’s senses are necessary to develop and maintain this thought. Therefore I do not want to lose my senses and become oblivious like some yogis and durveshes do.
Secondly, after some time, thoughts start focusing on God. They do wander but not for long. Magnet of God pulls them towards Himself, as if, they were tied to an elastic band.
Journey continues… …........A journey without end and an unknown destination. Therefore all seekers continue to be travelers, some ahead and some behind. This road has milestones,rest areas,ups and downs (as told to Shahab by his hidden and anonymous mentor).
November 15, 2011, Rewritten on July 19, 2012
“ Purity of love for God often requires anonymity unless there are other overriding concerns or the person becomes mad (majzoob or Must Qalander)”