126. If One lays The Life At God’s Feet: Part One
There are over 7 billion inhabitants of planet Earth. Then there are close to 1022 star systems (one followed by 22 zeroes). The estimate by Kepler spacecraft data was that:
“22 percent of Sun-like stars have Earth-like planets”
What I wanted to point out by the numbers mentioned above is that there are lots and lots of planets, and even if intelligent life (like us) may be present only in one in a billion Earth-like planets, there are still quadrillions of intelligent life forms.
There is only one Creator (God)
Now, consider for a second, that you want to attract the attention of God. Now you may ask, that why should one attract the attention of God. Business of living continues without us calling God. That
is true, but some of us have this desire.
Some years ago, I asked a saint (through an intermediary) that I want jazzab (oblivion to time and space while all thoughts are focused on God). The saint said that jazzab is good, but it is not the most important thing in the path towards God-realization. The most important and difficult thing is to come in the notice of God.
God could, if He wanted to, be aware of all of the quadrillions of us, but it will probably be un-necessary. Therefore, it is more than likely that He does not know any of us, individually, just as I do not know any of the 25 trillion red blood cells in my body.
It is this mote’s opinion that there is one sure way to attract God’s attention, and that is to lay one’s life at God’s feet. If you try to sacrifice your life, for the sake of God, and only God (not religion or a cause), and nothing else, two things happen with unexceptional certainty:
He won’t let you die!
He will take notice of you. Who is this strange person?
A man, this mote intimately knows, was on the path of God. Almost ten years passed and there was no progress. This man was in utter despair. He was also very depressed. Matters came to a point where life without God was a burden. Separation from God was tearing him apart. Longing for God was such, that he would shed tears every day. He would call God to just acknowledge him___ his existence__, but there would never be a reply. Finally he decided to kill himself. Just before the attempt to kill himself, he asked himself “ Be honest. You are going to die in a few hours and may meet God face to face, just tell why you are ending your life?” He gave the following answer, in all the near-death truthfulness. “ The reason is that I cannot bear separation from God any more. I don’t want to be separate from Him anymore. If there is a God (which he believed without doubt, but he said it for the sake of argument), after death I will meet Him, and thus get my desire, and be extremely happy. If there is no God, then there will just be oblivion; nothingness, which won’t be a loss, because the drama of life with its present pain and anguish, will be over”.
He pushed the plunger of the syringe, saying, “ Here I come, God!”. The syringe was filled with a powerful blood pressure lowering drug, Labatalol. He injected approximately hundred times the normal dose. ( He had crushed into white powder one hundred 300mg tablets, a total of 30,000mg, and dissolved them in water. Normal dose is 100-300 mg). The syringe had to be filled multiple times because there was too much liquid. He chose injection and not swallowing, because he did not want to take the risk of the powder just sitting in the stomach, and not being absorbed due to low blood pressure.
As he was injecting himself, he was thinking, God will answer him now. He was emotionally blackmailing God! He was like the proverbial kid who threatens to jump in the well, if mother does not accede to his wish.
The mother replies “ go ahead”. The kid does not jump.
But in this case the man was jumping in the valley of death by pushing the piston, again and again. He was also thinking, that one cannot blackmail God. That will be His defeat. But will the God let a true devotee die?
Maybe, God wanted to see, whether the man is empty talk, or will he actually carry out the act? Will he falter at the penultimate moment?
The man had imagined many scenarios, but in his wildest dreams he had not thought that he would survive such a massive dose.
The man laid alone, on a couch, for about fifty fifty-five hours, before help arrived. His blood pressure fell to very low levels. He would go in and out of consciousness and unconsciousness/sleep.
He remained sick for about two months. Due to low blood pressure his kidneys stopped functioning. He had to be hemodialysed with artificial kidney for a couple of weeks. Repeated infections with C.diff complicated the course.
He recovered completely.
God did not answer him.
God did not let him die.
After some more years, he did feel progress in his path towards God.
He earnestly feels that it was this act, laying his life at God’s feet, which caused him to succeed. After all, such an act must be extremely rare. Even the Creator takes notice.
To be continued.